If you truly know me, I have been single since the moment my lungs converted oxygen to carbon dioxide. Never been in a relationship, never dated. (Not counting in middle school when I "dated" a boy for 3 days and broke it off through text. I hope he's well though.)
This post goes to that individual who seems to be the funniest, so full of life, caring, loving, friendly to everyone yet for some reason cannot be in a relationship? Like how does that add up?
I wanted to write this blog post for those who see people find their significant other, sharing their love for each other, and wonder, "Why the hell can't I have that?" You spend time hopelessly waiting for the right person to show up in your life. Or discern whether or not you should make that online dating profile. Or hear the constant nagging from your family members on why you aren't seeing anyone? Or second-guessing yourself if you are worthy of love. (AND YES, YES YOU ARE WORTHY OK?)
Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE love. I love the many ways love does to people. How it makes people feel a special way whether that's being a friend, a stranger, or a lover to each other. I'd like to say that love makes up the fabric of what it means to be a human. That's why I'm writing this post right?
However, I can't help but wish I had a special someone to share my life with. Someone who will listen to all my hopes and dreams. A person who will continue to challenge me and grow with me. Someone who will only know my inner self. Someone who truly knows me, even more than I know myself. I see couples on my feed, friends getting married, my housemates spending time with their partners and I'm smooshed between rooms. I can't help but think of #foreveralone or the fact that I might be that cool unmarried aunt with owes more than one dog (which I'm technically not opposed to, to be honest).
But frankly, it's not my time. It will never be my time if I continue to expect. What I've learned from others is that you will find your significant other when you don't expect it. It will happen when you least expect it.
And so take this advantage of being single during this time and here's why:
Being single means that I get to pour my energy onto people who pour life into me. Instead of pouring energy into fantasized thoughts of possibilities, I remind myself that love doesn't just come from an intimate partner, but from family, friends, and even your dog. So hug your friend (if it's safe to do so), send that text, write that letter, tell them you love them.
Being single means that I get to discover what gives me life. I get to think about what Jireh is interested or curious about at the moment. And chase after that. During this time, I got to put into action all my dreams and curiosities. My blog came to be, I created two side businesses (Sunasnaps and Ji Designs), I get to travel and so so much more.
Being single means continuing to unravel the different parts of me. It's an opportunity for me to witness continued growth and evolvement. I continue to discover who I am. The freedom to be free. Nothing to hold you down.
Being single means you learn how to make yourself happy. There is no one else but yourself who will.
Being single means you get to know your own worth. There's a negative stigma of having high standards but honestly, that comes from knowing that you won't settle for someone any less.
Being single means getting the opportunity to not fall in love with someone, but with yourself. Because if I don't, it's not fair for my future partner in life. It's not up to them to fix my insecurities. I'm still learning how to every day. Somedays I feel like complete shit. But then I realize there's not going to be anyone but myself to pick me up and say, "No no no no Jireh, even if you are not looking like a snack, you are amazing inside." I've learned how to build my confidence.
I found this quote in my old bullet journal that broke me:
"Maybe right now, your journey isn't about love.
Maybe right now, your journey is about being alone.
Maybe this is the season you are being challenged - to learn how to wake up in the middle of the bed, to finally find hope in the vacancy, hope in the quiet, hope in the way you stretch into your life and give yourself permission to take up space within it.
Maybe right now, you are being shown that you can take care of yourself, that you can depend on the person you have become, that you can be your own home no matter what comes your way."
On my Instagram, I asked people, "Why do you love being single?" and here are their answers:
"I have more time to focus on being accountable for solely myself."
"The independence."
"It's my season of 'selfishness:' independent decision making for 1. The increase in intentionality.
"I don't have to worry about compromising parts of myself to fit with another person."
"lol no commitment."
I hope that these comments serve as a reminder that you are not alone. There are many single people out in the world trying to figure this thing out. Singleness should not be a bad thing and I hope that reading this changed your perspective about it.
When I started to love my singleness, I learned that it's a gift and that it takes a lot of courage and strength to be by myself. I've learned how to be strong and how to live life independently. I am whole on my own and don't need a partner to be my, "other half." Someone said it perfectly, "Being single lets you focus on finding a partner that complements rather than completes you."
I say that I'm, "drifting" through the single life. And what I mean by that is that I'm taking it day by day. Not rushing the process, but trusting that soon I will get to experience that kind of love.
I know that something, someone great is out there for me. I don't want to settle for an "okay" relationship, an "ordinary" relationship only to "settle." Is it selfish to think that I deserve a love that is passionate, fearless, something that makes me feel alive? And you, my friend, are ever so deserving of that same love. You deserve someone amazing who will be on top of his/her/their game to earn your love so you don't have to settle for less.
So hey, make fun of me for having high priorities. Most of the time my priority is me. And I am completely okay with that. (as of now.)
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